Game is for Assholes?

This post will actually come a little too close to TMI in spots, be forewarned.

I have never really had all that much trouble attracting women. For whatever reason, I have constantly had women tell me they "felt comfortable" with me, for example, for as far back as I can remember. And I was 31 before I first "asked out a girl", which was me trying something "new" after my split with the ex.

Because I have had such fortune with women, I have indeed had many sexual partners. It's not uncommon for me to go to a bar, and have some woman make the thinnest of pretexts before trying to lean in for a kiss...

Again, not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm regarded as attractive physically (this much has to be a given, I would say), maybe it's because I'm not a very intimidating guy physically (I'm 5 foot 8 - maybe 160lbs soaking wet).

But here's the thing. Like I said, I have VERY limited experience "dealing with women" because I have NO idea what to do if they don't throw themselves at me.

I imagine that's a bit of an uncommon state for a man to find himself in. I imagine there would be a lot of men that say "boo hoo" to all of this, and are even now unclenching a fist...but consider:

Even I, a guy who has had way more success with women than he has any right to expect, could benefit greatly from Game. Because even though I have no problem at all getting "women", getting a QUALITY woman is not easy.

A couple of personal examples to show what I mean.

The other weekend, a friend called me up, and suggested we hit a bar we hadn't been to in years. This bar is a meat market pick up joint, and not a high class one at that (the last time I was there some chick bit me...at random...just walking by, and I guess I looked tasty. No, she didn't break the skin, and yes, it hurt).

While there, I ran into one of the women who has done some modelling for me (I'm an ex commercial and advertising photographer that does digital art now and again), and as it turned out, she was interested in "partying" after the bar..

I take her back to my place...

Where she proceeds to make out with BOTH of my roommates!

So, attempting to rectify the mistake of taking this obviously crazy woman home, I call her a cab and wait for it with her outside. Which is when she tells me she doesn't want a "cheap night" with me, she wants me to COMMIT to her (if you can believe it) and go on "dates" before I "get any".

I didn't have the heart to tell her she was such a screwed up slut, she wasn't even going to get the one nighter, let alone the relationship she wanted. I was still sort of in shock that she thought I wanted Thing One to do with her, to be honest....

Another one....

A few months ago, I was seeing (OK, FWB type seeing) a girl 18 years my junior. This was an on and off, over the course of three years casual kind of thing. One night I was at her place when a friend called with an invitation to go see another friend play in a band. She and I went to said bar, where she at the end of the night proceeded to go home with another guy...and I mean RIGHT at the end of the night.

Now, don't get me wrong, the "no strings" thing is fine by me, and if she wanted to go home with this guy any other day, get his number and call him later...whatever, I wouldn't have cared.

But no, she ditched me right there, publicly. Then called me the next day hoping to apologize.

I'm no idiot, this was a huge diss, and both of us knew it, but what blew me away in this case was not that she ditched (I've been the guy ditched FOR way too many times to get angry when it happens to me), but that she genuinely couldn't understand why I tossed her, since we weren't "dating". Apparently, common courtesy is an alien concept.

Needless to say, while I mourn the loss of pussy half my age(-ish), it was the only acceptable solution to tell her to go fuck her hat.

So why the public self-flagellation?

If nothing else these experiences have taught me this simple truth:

You can have all the "natural advantages" in the world, and still fail due to lack of knowledge/training. This is as true for the dating/mating world as it is for Professional Sports or your Career.

AND

Without a clear idea of where you would like to be, all the forward motion in the world cannot guarantee you're not headed in circles.

I have had, oh, well over a hundred sexual partners I would imagine. I got married and Divorced (and had numerous "partners") before I ever "asked out a girl", and to this very day have 19 and 20 year old women literally throw themselves in my lap (it's happened more than once this year - and I'm OLD now). Yet not once, never, have I had any real control over my own "dating destiny".

And that's what it's really all about, isn't it?

Taking control of one's own destiny? Deciding what you want, and then finding a way to get it?

There is no one that cannot benefit from at least a basic understanding of "Game". There are very few men that would not benefit from a little more self confidence, and for many men, self confidence is really all Game instills...

We all have our troubles with the opposite sex (even same in some cases). The point is, learning Game does not make one "weak". It doesn't turn you into a "manipulator", although it will initially likely drop women quite a few pegs in your eyes, to see how vain and easily led "astray" they are...forewarned is forearmed.

But it does, to some degree, give men back some autonomy. If nothing else, it shows the games women play for what they are.

For example, I know EXACTLY what went on in those two examples given. I know what it says about their regard for me, and their expectations. And while I may not have had enough of an interest to "play the game" to ensure these scenarios never took place, I do at least have an idea of how to avoid this in cases where I actually care.

And that's something you can't take away from Game...once you see these things for what they are, you see them that way forever. And this knowledge has at the very least given me the backbone to tell these life-sucking harpys to piss off...

Because in my younger years, I would have put up with it.

On Male Studies, White Knights, and other ways of Completely Missing the Point...

You know, sometimes a guy just wants to rip out his (thankfully still full) hair in frustration. The sheer pettiness, the mealy-mouthed petulance, and sometimes outright lunacy displayed in the MRM astounds me.

And I'm a longstanding MRA!

Consider: The On Step Institute sponsers a symposium on Male Studies, an offering of courses intended to reach a better common understanding of issues affecting males, and uniquely male viewpoints. This panel represented some of the most influential, and outspoken, mens advocates in the known Universe (yeah, the whole damn thing)...oh yeah, and one Mens Studies professor that seemed largely to have been there to serve as contrast only..one who stands next to no chance of ever teaching a Male Studies course, I may add.

They spoke about the myriad issues men and boys face in society, and asserted at least some of those issues existed purely BECAUSE they were male, then called for areas of study, research papers, etc.

In short, these guys and gals are serious about addressing these issues, in a male friendly yet academically rigorous manner. They are NOT activists, so much as Academics. And this is the beginning of a long, likely contentious “dialogue” between the sexes. One that Feminists are fearful of, and have done as much as possible to avoid.

One they can no longer avoid.

The reaction from the MRM?

If you can believe it, anger. And mistrust, cynicism, and petulent accusations of not enough being done (the latter typically from people not heard from before a couple of years ago).

And, like the whiny little boys some of these people are, they do nothing themselves, but demand others take the initiative, which they will follow...provided it's done the way HE wants it done, and on his timetable...

(Sigh)

The thing is, even this is nothing new. Many of us have been hearing the exact same arguments for literally years on end. Many of us were the people making those same arguments when we first got here too, to be honest.

So as frustrating as it is, even this crap is little more than an annoyance.

What truly frustrates me, is the seeming obtuseness of MRAs when it comes to social dynamics. I can't possibly be the only person who understands this to some extent...the place is full of PUAs for crying out loud!

The MRM has been in existence for years, this much is technically true. In exactly the same way the Feminism never went away between the Suffragettes and the “sudden” explosion of Feminism in the 60's. Do people REALLY think Feminist thought didn't exist before these Feminist authors came out with hundreds of pages of text? In all that time, do people really think Feminism wasn't a bubbling topic of conversation among women, for literally decades?

Feminism simmered away until the right conditions existed, from the ability to communicate and disseminate ideas, through fundraising and latching on to other movements that were similarly simmering away for years until then.

This economic downturn is OUR chance. Do you think people would give a rat's ass about mens issues if there weren't so many men unemployed? Seriously?

The decades of MRA-dom before this served unguessable hours of preparation, honing of ideals, refining of arguments, development of philosophies... There really ARE defining characteristics of being an MRA...did you think they came from nowhere? That they were self evident? That rational, easily understood, smoothly delivered arguments in all these issues just popped out of someone's ass?

The MRM is poised to succeed right now, BECAUSE all of those “ineffectual” MRAs laid so much groundwork, coupled with the inevitable collapse of Feminism itself. If MRAs weren't out there for years already talking this stuff, you can bet you'd be hearing little to anything about men's issues even now.

The MRM has a solid core of ethics and beliefs, one that is based firmly not only on Judeo-Christian beliefs, but also those that formed the original basis for the societies we live in:

Equality under the law, both in word and deed.

Identical legal rights and responsibilities between men and women

The importance of Family, and the rights of both parents as well as children

The list goes on, perhaps better explained in the Mens Manifesto than here.

The point is, we have all these things, a coherent “movement” to present to the public after all the “insignifigant” work done to get us here, so let's bloody well use the opportunity!

Maybe all the "newbs" can show us old guys where we've been "going wrong" all those years...

Mainstream media proves their Feminist bona fides, as expected.

So the initial reaction is in on Male Studies from several media sources, such as Newsweek, as well as online sources such as Salon and the like...

You know what I see in these articles?

Bigotry. Fear. Ridicule as argument against. Etc.

In fact, I would bet these same sorts of things were said about Feminism right at the early stages. Not that I care..

It's obvious these people do not want a Male perspective on anything to become well known, or widely accepted. Only Feminist-filtered thoughts can be taught to men about themselves (Men's/Gender Studies).

Want proof of the last?

Every single argument against Male Studies has included the existing Mens Studies as reason why Male Studies is superfluous. None of these arguments address why men themselves might find Mens Studies to be little more than re-wording Gender Feminist Man Hate into PHMT arguments. None of these arguments even acknowledge, let alone address, ANY of the main issues men face.

In fact, MOST of these articles describe blatant inequality ("Feminism is fighting to expand PARENTAL leave, you know - including MEN") without once admitting MEN HAVE NO PARENTAL RIGHTS, and MEN HAVE NO REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS, and furthermore, that Feminist ideologues ARE THE ONES RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS.

Ahem.

Needless to say the transparent hypocrisy and sexist hatred and contempt are so thick as to be choking at times....

Yeah, there's need for a Male Studies department...and to the multitudes of men who thought this sort of course was "silly"...read these responses again. Read what these women are saying about men, their lives, and what "should be"important to men. Read what the editorial stance is of the newspaper or magazine you're reading...do you agree with their assessment of who YOU are?

Do these people REALLY speak for you?

If not, take a Male Studies course...support the foundation, anything...

Just get these bigots out of a position where they feel ENTITLED enough to tell men what they should care about...

New Academic Discipline To Take Shape at Staten Island’s Wagner College | MND: Your Daily Dose of Counter-Theory

New Academic Discipline To Take Shape at Staten Island’s Wagner College | MND: Your Daily Dose of Counter-Theory