Monday, April 19, 2010

Game is for Assholes?

This post will actually come a little too close to TMI in spots, be forewarned.

I have never really had all that much trouble attracting women. For whatever reason, I have constantly had women tell me they "felt comfortable" with me, for example, for as far back as I can remember. And I was 31 before I first "asked out a girl", which was me trying something "new" after my split with the ex.

Because I have had such fortune with women, I have indeed had many sexual partners. It's not uncommon for me to go to a bar, and have some woman make the thinnest of pretexts before trying to lean in for a kiss...

Again, not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm regarded as attractive physically (this much has to be a given, I would say), maybe it's because I'm not a very intimidating guy physically (I'm 5 foot 8 - maybe 160lbs soaking wet).

But here's the thing. Like I said, I have VERY limited experience "dealing with women" because I have NO idea what to do if they don't throw themselves at me.

I imagine that's a bit of an uncommon state for a man to find himself in. I imagine there would be a lot of men that say "boo hoo" to all of this, and are even now unclenching a fist...but consider:

Even I, a guy who has had way more success with women than he has any right to expect, could benefit greatly from Game. Because even though I have no problem at all getting "women", getting a QUALITY woman is not easy.

A couple of personal examples to show what I mean.

The other weekend, a friend called me up, and suggested we hit a bar we hadn't been to in years. This bar is a meat market pick up joint, and not a high class one at that (the last time I was there some chick bit random...just walking by, and I guess I looked tasty. No, she didn't break the skin, and yes, it hurt).

While there, I ran into one of the women who has done some modelling for me (I'm an ex commercial and advertising photographer that does digital art now and again), and as it turned out, she was interested in "partying" after the bar..

I take her back to my place...

Where she proceeds to make out with BOTH of my roommates!

So, attempting to rectify the mistake of taking this obviously crazy woman home, I call her a cab and wait for it with her outside. Which is when she tells me she doesn't want a "cheap night" with me, she wants me to COMMIT to her (if you can believe it) and go on "dates" before I "get any".

I didn't have the heart to tell her she was such a screwed up slut, she wasn't even going to get the one nighter, let alone the relationship she wanted. I was still sort of in shock that she thought I wanted Thing One to do with her, to be honest....

Another one....

A few months ago, I was seeing (OK, FWB type seeing) a girl 18 years my junior. This was an on and off, over the course of three years casual kind of thing. One night I was at her place when a friend called with an invitation to go see another friend play in a band. She and I went to said bar, where she at the end of the night proceeded to go home with another guy...and I mean RIGHT at the end of the night.

Now, don't get me wrong, the "no strings" thing is fine by me, and if she wanted to go home with this guy any other day, get his number and call him later...whatever, I wouldn't have cared.

But no, she ditched me right there, publicly. Then called me the next day hoping to apologize.

I'm no idiot, this was a huge diss, and both of us knew it, but what blew me away in this case was not that she ditched (I've been the guy ditched FOR way too many times to get angry when it happens to me), but that she genuinely couldn't understand why I tossed her, since we weren't "dating". Apparently, common courtesy is an alien concept.

Needless to say, while I mourn the loss of pussy half my age(-ish), it was the only acceptable solution to tell her to go fuck her hat.

So why the public self-flagellation?

If nothing else these experiences have taught me this simple truth:

You can have all the "natural advantages" in the world, and still fail due to lack of knowledge/training. This is as true for the dating/mating world as it is for Professional Sports or your Career.


Without a clear idea of where you would like to be, all the forward motion in the world cannot guarantee you're not headed in circles.

I have had, oh, well over a hundred sexual partners I would imagine. I got married and Divorced (and had numerous "partners") before I ever "asked out a girl", and to this very day have 19 and 20 year old women literally throw themselves in my lap (it's happened more than once this year - and I'm OLD now). Yet not once, never, have I had any real control over my own "dating destiny".

And that's what it's really all about, isn't it?

Taking control of one's own destiny? Deciding what you want, and then finding a way to get it?

There is no one that cannot benefit from at least a basic understanding of "Game". There are very few men that would not benefit from a little more self confidence, and for many men, self confidence is really all Game instills...

We all have our troubles with the opposite sex (even same in some cases). The point is, learning Game does not make one "weak". It doesn't turn you into a "manipulator", although it will initially likely drop women quite a few pegs in your eyes, to see how vain and easily led "astray" they are...forewarned is forearmed.

But it does, to some degree, give men back some autonomy. If nothing else, it shows the games women play for what they are.

For example, I know EXACTLY what went on in those two examples given. I know what it says about their regard for me, and their expectations. And while I may not have had enough of an interest to "play the game" to ensure these scenarios never took place, I do at least have an idea of how to avoid this in cases where I actually care.

And that's something you can't take away from Game...once you see these things for what they are, you see them that way forever. And this knowledge has at the very least given me the backbone to tell these life-sucking harpys to piss off...

Because in my younger years, I would have put up with it.


  1. It does not surprise me that you are successful with women. Having see your picture I thought certainly that this could be the case, though I had no idea if you where bothered or not. I was slightly perplexed as to the compatibility of your supposed ( my supposition) good fortune with women and being an MRA. I am still not completely certain how the two things reconcile.

    Another thing that you confirmed is that you are a photographer. I had thought this to be the case as I believe I have seen photographic equipment in the background of your videos. What made me doubt this was the image quality of the videos which I thought suggested only a consumer quality camera.

  2. It's a common misconception that MRAs are only activists because they "can't get laid" or have trouble with women.

    Even though you could say that I do indeed have "trouble" with women, just like everyone else...

    Being an MRA means you are concerned about social justice, and have compassion for the men and boys being demonized and persecuted at every turn. That's really the only thing that defines us...

    As for the image quality...well, I'm not sure what income level you think photographers are enjoying these days... In my home Province, the average yearly salary for a Photographer is 22,000/year (BEFORE 30% income tax).

    Rent here averages 900/month for a one bedroom apt...

    How much money do you think I have to spend on a webcam??


  3. I did not exactly mean that I thought MRAs where people who could not get laid. I thought you might think this from my remarks. You must understand that I refrain from long posts as they are self indulgent. I will just briefly explain what I meant.

    I imagined that you where divorced. What I meant by my remark about finding it difficult to reconcile you being an MRA with you success with women was this. I could not see why you just did not put the past behind you. Enjoy your good fortune in getting your freedom back and exploit all the natural advantages you have to have a 'good time'.

    Of course the above is my fantasy.

    Yes I did think that there might be problems and that money could be a difficulty. This corresponds to my lifelong observation that that there will always be something to trip one up.

  4. I liken it to the whole "grass is greener" thing...

    I have no issues getting women (or, for that matter, other men's women if I so desired).

    The true test is in the "keeping".

    And for that, you have to have the skills to both recognize, AND keep the interest of, worthwhile women.

    I fail in both counts routinely.

    Game helps. Problem is, I'm just not that interested anymore.

  5. I think I understand what you are describing and I think it is a good thing. Let's put it this way, when you are young it is easy to make a fool of oneself over women. A combination of driven need and vulnerability can make a man humiliate himself. We are terribly effected by the need to obtain and retain women's affection and interest. Failure devastates us.

    But then as we get a little older, and without us noticing at first we find ourselves becoming ever less the romantic victim. We become less tolerant of bad situations just in the forlorn hope that may be we will get something back in the end.

    This certainly happened to me in my forties. I recall being a little surprised and pleased that I found myself being able to walk away unscathed from situation that ten years previously would have torn me up.

    So I would say you are getting control of your life back and that is a good thing.

    As for 'keeping' all I can say is that if this happens then you will probably wish it hadn't.

  6. OH you're so cool and sexy. You get so much pussy! I love how you're sitting in your mom's basement making up all the sexual encounters you've had with women so people won't think you're gay. Just relax ok? You're in Canada. Nobody cares if you're gay. It's ok. YOu can get married and adopt children. YOu don't need to have anything to do with women. Just stop wasting your life writing this ridiculous blog. I'm going now because I've wasted enough time reading this silly thing and laughing my ass off at all the whining and posturing and ego-stroking you do on this thing.

  7. Well, the ideal 'worthwhile woman' would also mean 'one that I want to stay with'. But I definitely get your point there, the odds of that happening are vanishingly small...

  8. Anon #2: You wouldn't happen to be from the Manhood Academy, now would you? Cause you sure throw around 'gay' as an insult quite a bit.

    For future reference, though I am not gay, I have a few Gay friends...and consequently don't view being called 'Gay' as quite the insult I think you intend it to be. I suggest you find something else to try and insult me with.

    (For the record, dick size/getting laid type insults won't work in the slightest either...just tryin' to keep you from wasting your obviously well-worn talent for kneejerk derision and barely concealed hatred....)

    I leave exploration as to the effectiveness of the rest of the Bingo card to you...

  9. Hello,

    I came over here from Nice site.

    In regards to this particular issue, I'm a bit surprised that a 5'8" guy can have hot chicks throwing themselves at him. In the states, women don't go crazy wet until the guy gets to close to 6 feet.

    I'm friends with those guys and they do have "game" in a way. Like the author, they are much more relaxed about rejection or women cheating on them since another streetcar will come along. Here's my "game":

    Women who "throw" themselves at a man, even a good looking one, are generally mentally unstable. Sex is kind of like a mini marriage. It sets a commitment to a particular moment in time but unlike marriage, is done at a biological rather than legal level. If the couple barely knew each other when they had sex, then they'll have problems progressing too far emotionally past that point even if they live together for a while afterwards.

    "Game" for men means spending time with women in truly old fashioned courtship: talking to them, seeing how they handle conflict and disagreement, and establishing a shared emotional bond before sex. The challenge is that modern courtship rituals punish men for doing this. Women were encouraged to treat men like chumps and men are expected to get their hands in her pants ASAP.

    My "game" with my wife is that I told her I wasn't going to be a courtship chump. I paid her way on dates but explained that the "cost" of this is that I didn't buy into the silly notion of women's equality. As the man in charge, I expected her to be affectionate (hold hands, arms) and romantic in return. I didn't go for the "splurge" factor on dates to impress. I used coupons and split checks, zero apologies. If they gripe, I point out that THEY can pick up the check.

    It's a fantastic way to communiate as adults and learn a lot about each other without the pressure I mentioned above. I'm not treated like a chump and she's not feeling like I was out to BS around. It set the tone for our whole relationship.

    Regarding the assocation with MRA's not getting laid: One can still "get laid" and not even have problems with individual women yet still be outraged at sexist discrimination against men in the family and workplace and sexual harassment laws which were gleefully embraced by feminism until Bill Clinton got nailed. That was HILARIOUS!

    In fact, I have found men who are sexually secure to be the least ones likely to buy into crazy feminist notions that they are victims of the same sexism they crave. If women didn't like patriarchy, why do they continue to chase after strong, powerful rich guys?

  10. "Well, the ideal 'worthwhile woman' would also mean 'one that I want to stay with'. But I definitely get your point there, the odds of that happening are vanishingly small..."

    I know you're not going for this, but this sounds like the "soulmate" concept. The smart way to find a good woman is to figure out how to see an ocean filled with them rather than a needle in a haystack.

    The problem with that is that we live in a culture that encourages women to be awful. To be materialistic, slutty, and even cruel. The media is full of "girl power" cheers for such thinking and behavior.

    But looking at it philosophically, all of us have gone through tough times in our lives and come through them. There are no hard times, just hard people. Men who expect to find 'the one' and perfect woman is, in a way, just as lazy an attitude as women who expect a knight on a white horse to come to their rescue.

    The key is selecting a woman based upon a presence of useful traits (honesty, compassion, morality, etc) and then dealing with problems and issues caused by their upbringing accordingly and not getting angry about it or losing one's temper. Just as women think we should get better, they have to improve and not via nagging. We have to set ground rules and show leadership.

    All that said, a significant majority of American women are useless for relationships. Even if you clean them up, why bother? Why bother dealing with a woman with 2 kids from some "bad boys" and multiple emotional issues when there are plenty of foreign women who weren't raised to think they could get away with murder?

  11. That is 100% correct in my view. Game offers more than 'pickin up chicks' in my eyes, though primarily in the 'see the shit for what it is' type of angle...

    Until one is convinced they CAN select, for example, men will continue to let women dictate the terms. Sometimes, if you're too passive (like me in the past), you end up with a steady stream of psychos...

    Game is the beginning of a way out of that for men....well, in my view anyway.

    Only when women are FORCED to be more than a vagina attached to a party will they develop any sort of substance. Failing that, they might just slip back into 'chastity mode' hoping men will forget the past...

    In any case, I agree, North American and European women are a waste of time... As you say, why look for a needle in a haystack when there are whole countries full of REAL 'traditional' women?

  12. "
    In regards to this particular issue, I'm a bit surprised that a 5'8" guy can have hot chicks throwing themselves at him. In the states, women don't go crazy wet until the guy gets to close to 6 feet. "

    Oh, it's definitely the same here. Average height is somewhere around 6'2" in my home province...

    I can't explain it, but I sure do enjoy it...


  13. FYI, I want to clarify that I didn't say I split checks without apologies. (I don't have anything against that, it just turns out that nearly all women can't handle equality in splitting the check hence one reason I consider women's equality a laughable joke. If they can't pay for their own meal, I wouldn't count on their equality lasting long without special privileges to be "equal")

    I meant to say I split _meals_. Actually, it's very intimate and even romantic (before swapping spit in a kiss, do it on the utensils). No leftovers and you don't feel stuffed afterwards. Shallow women I know were enraged I did such a thing, but they are largely miserable and/or they make the men in their lives miserable anyway with their self-centered agenda.

    Ok, that out of the way, young men need to get the message that getting laid is not a big problem. Really. I'm not good looking. I give myself a 4 out of 10. I'm 5'7". But... by the age of 30 or so, most men are "4"s and the dynamics quickly change. I hate to give the image of the 30 year old virgin, but it really was nice in my 20's to focus on hobbies, traveling, friendship, and developing myself. Along the way, I dated and kept my eyes open but when it didn't work out, I wasn't crushed and yeah, I did get some girls along the way. I always used a spermicide condom AND foam!

    More and more young men are realizing this. I don't think the women are in a position to go back to chastity since in many ways, this is a men's market even if they don't fully realize it. The hot guys are not going to put up with chastity and chump rules of dating. Period. And even normal guys don't have to. That's why I think it's useful, for everyone's sake, for us to go back to truly old fashioned courtship of mutual respect. Legalized prostitution would help too. Men who want to get laid should do it with professionals without hurting normal women who are looking for a relationship and vice versa: Serious men shouldn't have women play little games and waste their time!

    During my 20's, I tried a number of experiments such as waiting for women to ask men out and pay their way. Sadly, these were women who were desperate or psychos. It's like trying to meet one's wife at a strip club. And as I said, if holding women to most simplistic standards of equality makes them into psychos, what does that say about whether "equality" will ever really work?

    I know, I know, I love hearing this argument: Workplace equality is different than personal equality! Yeah, right. Until the career women who say that complain and demand their bosses cut them special slack to help them deal with the "work/life balance" AND their hubbies help out with the chores and childcare after HE gets home from a 60 hour workweek so she can go to a "bash men like my husband Democratic/feminist convention." Men like that deserve to get a cap in their a**. And much of the time, they do. This era we live in is the consequence.

  14. This is all true, but it doesn't mean it's inevitable, or even desireable. I don't think 'equality' has even been sought after, let alone achieved. What was the quote again?

    "For Women, equality and nothing less. For Men, equality and nothing more."

    Sounds a lot like Female Supremacism to me....

    It's time men spoke up en masse.... this mag is intended to be one of those voices...


  15. Thanks Factory. I am interested. Usenet is dying. I'm impressed with what you've done so far!

    Ok, back to equality or what's desirable. One of the primary tenets of conservatism, at it's best, is that some things in life are best accepted rather than denied via massive, wasteful social and government efforts. Men and women are not equal. Women's artificial equality is a delightful, absurd, illustration of how unequal they were to begin with. Nearly all women, including and especially feminists, don't want equality in a literal sense. Most men who support equality are actually MRA's and these guys are doing so despite women demonstrating their lack of willingness to live up to equality which is, itself, an act of chivalry.

    THEN, we're faced with the major question: Do we really want equality? Why does it sound so nice? Equality sounds nice in that legal inequality is associated with oppression and who wants to say no to a woman wanting to be a doctor and save lives? As John Wayne put it, liberalism is telling everyone they can take the day off of work, have ice cream, and go to bed late and sleep in.

    The biggest selling point about Men's Rights, IMO, is that it produces strong, capable men women desire. My wife knows where I stand, knows that I won't let her run over me, and that I keep her honest. She doesn't want some self-doubting man.

  16. I think that's a good point. This movement is FAR more likely to contain the 'strong independent men' women seem to crave than, say, Feminism.

    This is one of the points I would like to see driven home repeatedly, actually. Well, that and the fact that 'strong independent men' don't need a woman to tell him what is the 'correct' way to go about things.

    Hopefully, the mag will help spread the word to a younger, more energetic audience...